rules

I always follow all the f'ing rules. 

No drinking or smoking - absolutely NOT.  I would NEVER take even a sip of wine while pregnant - not when I am breastfeeding - nothing for years and years.  I didn't eat sushi or lunch meat or hot dogs or fish from Lake Michigan. I took my prenatal vitamins everyday. I went to all of my appointments and ultrasounds. I didn't take hot baths or hot tub or even super hot showers. Not even one Tylenol or sudafed or any pain drugs while given birth - I did every single thing the doctors and the books told me to do.

Why do I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt - As the mother - I should have protected him or done something differently.

I know in my head that Autism isn't about what I did or didn't do.

I need my head to tell my heart.