Saturday, July 26, 2014

I hate your face ... park kids

It's not going to happen ...

I'm not going to stop my son's behavior
 because it makes "you" feel uncomfortable

I am NOT embarrassed of my son

I will NOT apologize - ever NEVER ever again 

It is unacceptable for my son to practice being "neurotypical" 
to "fit-in" to what society deems as "normal behavior" 

 I do not give a shit
 if you think my kid is weird

he will always be cooler ...  he will always be happier
he will always be better

your kid is an asshole ... so good luck with that

Sunday, November 3, 2013


feeling a little frazzled
husband gone
2nd job
3 kiddos
school school school
so I know
 we can handle this

Saturday, November 2, 2013


While talking with my son's kindergarten teacher (who's amazing BTW)
I am explaining how I believe 
Al perceives the world around him

Al will often ask me --- "is this in my world?" 
referring to people in proximity
family and very close friends are considered
in "his world"

Things that are not in "his world"
anywhere more than 25 minutes away from our home
 anyone he doesn't know by name
and somewhere he's never been
This doesn't upset him -- it's just not in "his world"

 Think of Al as an "International Student"
here on an assignment
 learning and observing
our customs (eye contact)
our language (figurative speech)
"our rules" for personal space and levels of engagement
He's trying to absorb and take in all the scenery 
it's so loud and smells awful
people are annoying and often demanding
everything is either too fast or too slow
it's just not his "world"

Al steps back and takes a breathe
It overwhelms him
but he heads out there every single day
 with a HUGE smile on his face
and he tries so very hard to be in "our world"

Saturday, October 26, 2013



He LOVES school
Huge Deal

He has LOVED school since the very first day
Joy in my Heart
He's teacher is AMAZING

A complete 360 from our preschool nightmare

I've been working on the "kinks" behind the scenes

"Hands to Self"
Kindergarten Stuff
(that take a little extra effort to get into "swing" of these concepts)

I couldn't be any happier with the choices I have made this year

Monday, October 21, 2013

laughable moment ...

I can't tell you why this struck me as so funny?

Autism as a diagnosis hasn't been very funny ... truthfully I haven't been relaxed enough to laugh about "Autism"

Until last night ... listening to my kiddos while they were brushing their teeth

My - "Al, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?"
Al - "I would eat it!"
My - "No, What would you "DO" for a Klondike Bar?"
Al- "It would go in my mouth and then in my tummy."
My - "What would DOOOO for a a Klondike bar?"
Al - "My Mom would get me one."
My- "Nevermind"

I looked at the hubs and we couldn't help it - we were cracking up and with tears in my eyes - "A question NOT to ask a boy with Autism!"  To laugh at Autism felt great - a huge release for me.  The literal meaning of a commercial jingle and the delight of tasty treat -Al gave the correct answer for himself.  I love that it isn't the answers that is expected -Al thinks outside the box.  There are so many thing about Al that bring joy to my heart and Autism is one of them -- it doesn't define him it or make him "special" -- he does that all on his own!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


the first day jitters
are behind us (me)
one of my worse fears
had come true
it's almost like I put it out "into the universe"
and it happened
a child had put their hands on my Al
he couldn't recall all the details
(I don't really want to get into any specifics)
the very first day
I had to email his teacher
 feeling better
but a lot of tears*
just from me
can't I just keep him home
with me

Sunday, September 1, 2013


i know every mother has
that lump in their throat feeling
their baby is off to school

i feel this a hundred time over
for a million different reasons

my son often cannot recall the details of his day
what if someone treats him poorly?
he would be unable to communicate that to me
that he may have a "behavior" or an "outburst"
be overwhelmed with the kids or the noise
that his teacher won't understand that he really is amazing
will the other kids like him?
please don't let him be all alone
that he won't be able to open his lunch by himself
that he might have to pee while on recess
(because we let him pee outside once this summer)
he doesn't always have a firm grasp on appropriate behavior
more more more

this is so overwhelming
along with an extremely lengthily
email i sent to his Kindergarten teacher
our diagnosis
progress made
what we are working on
my overall concerns
our goals
An increased desire for learning
to be "present" with his peers

i have MORE worry
i want to shout it at everyone i can

i am angry
angry at the parents
who don't have these worries
and will NEVER know what this feels like

i have protected my Al so fiercely 
from the day he was born and our eyes first met  
to let him go into the world
without me

***swallowing hard - the lump in my throat