While visiting my new nephew in the hospital I was hit by a tidal wave of emotions regarding Al's birth. Every feeling came at me full force and I am still overwhelmed by our journey. These were by far the toughest moments of my life thus far.
The NICU
around the white room
mothers rocking with empty arms
pumping for baby
accepting only from tubes
no cooing and sighing
alarm ringing buzzing ringing buzzing
no breastfeeding or snuggles
temperatures not holding
machines inhaling exhaling
silence humming
plastic walls dividing my touch from yours
now breath by breath
you learned on your own
stronger each day then the one before
I am thankful everyday
for the day you came home
It's been since my late teens that I have written any poetry and this was a bit rhymey even for me. I feel super rusty; but I needed this outlet. I don't want to relive these moments -detail by detail, only piece by piece. I know I didn't really allow myself to feel this while it was happening. Feeling it now is very emotionally and raw for me. I can't go back and say that I would change anything about our journey; I did what I thought best for my Al baby. My only wish is that I was more willing to accepted support because I know now that I didn't need to do this alone.
3 comments:
You guys have come a long way. What happened then has brought you to the life you have now and you have 2 healthy little ones. If you ever need anything we are here for you.
Just had a quick remenisce about light-hearted, late-night poetry sessions fueled by LOTS of java! Funny, we had so much time to write but nothing really important to write about! I see no rust in your writing, though.... the poem is great art. I like this whole entry, really. Very personal. Very profound.
you are so amazing!
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