Gulp-Sigh-Tear-Breathe

I've been struggling with where WE belong

We started our playgroup

 Al sat all alone in the sandbox

the group was much older than I had expected
also with different needs on the "spectrum"

Same Day

Now on to ... gymnastics

Al has moved up from tiny tumblers to boy's level one

all neuro-typical boys

Al is all over the place

can't wait in line - jumping into pits - not following directions

"semi-typical" boy behavior

tough as a Mom to sit on the bleachers and know ...

I can feel what the other parents are thinking

"Wow, that kids is really out of control"

--never mind-- 

They weren't thinking

I actually heard that or something very close to it
being said right behind me
as Al took cuts once again

I want to scream

thanks for talking shit about my kid

sorry your kid had to wait one extra second

because my kid couldn't

I feel stuck

on one hand it's nice hearing that Al doesn't seem autistic

he MUST be very HIGH functioning 

on the other hand --- it sucks hearing that he

"Seems so NORMAL or doesn't

 look Autistic"

He is normal - He is my son

Gulp- Tear -Gulp -Sigh

Breathe -- over it

  

more therapy!?

we now have ... drum roll ...

eight different therapy appointments per week

and two social skills group

for the remainder of the summer

i know - you are silently judging me

it's too much and why am i putting my child through this

why and am i putting myself through this

this is the kindergarten crunch

we have a limited amount of time before school

to give him the very best start

this is what was recommended by each of our physicians

the most important fact

Al is enjoying himself 

 looks forward to seeing his teachers and therapist

each therapy is "play based"

he is gaining confident and feeling successful

acquirng new skills and learning so much

Happy Al = Happy Momma

(the rest of the details will work themselves out)



Busy .. Busy .. Busy ..

I've been a busy busy busy
little beaver

 Moving forward

Pass the diagnosis

Over the this total sucks phase
 now - let's kick ass at Autism

My hard work has been paying off

We are one of the first families to be approved and receive insurance covered ABA therapy - due to new Autism legislation past last March

Speech and OT therapy - twice a week
Making a lot progress -18month gain on fine motor development

Kindergarten IEP, here we come - all our supports are in place for next Fall

 Received a 400$ scholarship for summer programs

Taking an active role in a support group
http://workforautism.com/

Oh and I started a playgroup - Social skills
AutismPlays

busy busy busy busy
That's how I work best

kinda broke my heart ...

It was Al's birthday and "helper Mom" day at school

School is where I see our biggest challenges

 Al

Didn't want to sit for circle time

Wouldn't sing "take me out to the ballgame"
Sat in his "spot" apart from his class and looked at books

Didn't want to participate in table work or craft

Al sat in the corner for all of this and played alone
with a Mister Potato Head

It broke my heart when he didn't want his school friends
to sing him happy birthday

It sucked - but only for me 
Al was fine


  

I've started reading

I want to remember this ... and share.

Jim Sinclair, a man with ASD who spoke at the 1993 Intenational Conference on Autism: "Autism isn't something a person has, or a "shell" that a person is trapped inside. There's no normal child hidden behind the autism. Autism is a way of being. It is pervasive; it colors every experience, every sensation, perception, thought, emotion, and encounter, every aspect of existence... It is not possible to separate the person from the autism. Therefore, when parents say, "I wish my child did not have autism," what they're really saying is "I wish the autistic child I have did not exist, and I had a different (non-autistic) child instead"... This is what we hear when you mourn our existence. This is what we hear when you pray for a cure." As a mother of a child with autism, I completely understand the feeling of wanting a "normal" child, and for the autism to "go away." But I understand now that the autism is what makes my wonderful boy who he is, and makes him so special.

decisions - decisions - decisions

I've never been in this position before

making a decision for one child based on the needs of another

Wait - I am lying - I have

I have asked My to give Al her lollipop
Al had dropped his on the ground

I knew she could recover from a lost candy - he could NOT

With the promise of two pieces of candy when we got home

My would happily give her lollipop up to her brother

Thank God I have a compassionate loving
 first born daughter

Only 21months apart

Al & My 

are very close

makes a Mom smile from ear to ear

This decision feels major today

I am sure I will look back in 15 years and think

Why did I agonize over this for months and months

I wouldn't stop second guessing myself

When a friend told me something amazing

When you have more than one child
one will always need you more than the other
You have to give to the one who needs it
There will come a time when the other
will need you more
and their time will come
and you will be there

I know that My will be successful and thrive
wherever I place her in the garden
Al is going to need something special grow
better light different soil
Keeping them together is more important
for our family

to be honest ...

to be honest with you

this whole process began 3 years ago

it started with my daughter's preschool

i had asked a teacher with over twenty years of experience

what she thought about my son - then almost two years old

these concerns continue to my pediatrician

then onto an early intervention service

which found only a very "mild" language delay

i worked my ass off to "catch him up"

dismissed at 3 years old - professional opinions stated - "on track with his peers"

brought more concerns to my doctor

compared and compared and compared him to other children

every child looking for a common thread

i finally had enough last summer - right after his fourth birthday

when i was handed back my money and told my child could not participate

cried

and this is where that story ends and how we began down a new path ...